by Raindrop Administrator | Apr 3, 2015 | Couples in Therapy, Therapy
Want to do successful Couples Therapy? Here’s what we know:
While looking at various therapists and models (factors of change), Lebow discovered that it’s not age, gender, race or even experience that determines success during couples therapy. What does make a difference is the level of friendliness, sensitivity, flexibility, cultural and worldview sensitivity…all of this with a good balance of knowing when to be active and when to be non-directive.
The better your alliance with your clients, the longer they will want to work with you, and thus the better chance for success! However in this case alliance is not just feeling close to your couple. Alliance requires having a common goal and understanding those issues the couple bring to you. It’s also equally important to keep your alliance balanced between the two partners, rather than monitoring the strength of your individual alliance with each.
Your passion for the approach you use will directly affect the couple you’re working with. If you believe in the therapy you are doing, the client will feel it too and will work well with the philosophy.
So choose an approach that you believe in. Practice it with all your heart. Make sure your clients know how much you enjoy working with them, and make sure you hear and understand what’s important to them.
The common factors mentioned above, have been found to lead to success in couples treatment, across various models.
[Common Factors of Change in Couple Therapy. 2012 LEBOW]
by Raindrop Administrator | Apr 3, 2015 | Therapy
Thoughts on success in therapy, in supervision and in training
The beauty of training in therapy is the feedback we receive; the evaluations we collect at the end of the training day tell it all. Since engaging in loads of training over the past few months, I have received some positive feedback in what makes my training unique. It’s tempting to compare my practice with other talented trainers in the field, but I am seeing more and more each person has a unique gift to bring.
Even though this is feedback I’ve received recently, I believe it is valuable in many professions and walks of life.
That is: “we feel your heart in the work you do”.
People can feel authenticity, and they can feel your accessibility. When you have the emotional space and time to combine the two, your clients, supervisees or trainees feel it in the way you care for them. This builds alliance and allows you to better hear what they need to learn.
This is not something I demonstrate in each session I spend with people.
So what makes the difference? I believe it is knowing what I’m passionate about and focusing my work on these areas. Human-ness is also important to me. When the people I am around open their hearts to me, I feel them and I want to do everything that I can to help them.
I realize clients are more likely to open up when I am available and open first. Demonstrating this breeds success. When I am real and honest in what I can teach, and am open about the things I can’t, this is authentic and that’s what people love to see and feel.
by Raindrop Administrator | Jan 22, 2015 | Couples in Therapy
1. Ask for a volunteer couple. (It works best to have your helpers do this exercise and act like a pursuer/withdrawer).
– Have them stand opposite one another, and instruct them not to move so that they stay in one place.
– Tell the volunteers that this is a silent exercise (no words, only facial expressions etc.).
– Give one partner a box of soft balls (we use soft red hearts with our logo on them).
– Give each of them secret instructions:
– Partner number 1: Your job is to get your partner to catch one of these balls. Do whatever you need to, to get your partner to catch a ball.
– Partner number 2: Your job is to get your partner to stop throwing these balls. Do whatever you need to, to convince your partner to stop throwing.
2. Let this go on for couple minutes and let a cycle develop.
3. Then ask the other participants in the group, who have been standing in a large circle around this couple, to identify with one partner or the other.
– Ask them who they feel for/which partner they identify with/etc.
– Ask them go and stand behind that partner, so that two groups appear in the room.
4. While the couple is still playing this game, walk around the room with 2 large signs, for the larger group to see.
– One sign says: I am trying to connect and will do whatever it takes.
– The other sign says: I am trying to prevent a fight, I have to get this to stop
5. Pause the game.
– Have the two partners debrief on what the game was like: ask them to talk about their position, how they felt, how they interpreted the other’s moves.
– Then ask the larger group for their reactions, and start to facilitate a debate between the two sides. Probe and provoke some discussion, with questions such as….
– “I’m being convinced by the throwing partner here”
– “I agree that the other group seemed unresponsive. What were you all thinking?”
– “Well why don’t you respond? Oh you are right, the throwing could be intimidating you have a point.”
– “The throwing team seems agro, why are you guys getting so worked up about connecting?”
This exercise takes about 30 minutes. It is a large group game that draws each person in, and has each consider the position they take in their own relationship. Each participant is able to identify with others who react the way that they do, and are able to hear about some of the reasons for the way they react. This exercise gives them some solidarity, and it gives them an opportunity to look at their own reactivity with some distance. This activity also gives participants an opportunity to understand why their partner may react in certain ways.
