Therapist Self-Care: Getting the right supervision

Summary: the EFT community news. 6th Issue, Summer 2010, pages 10 - 12International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy
Two Emotion Focused Therapy supervisors talk about the importance of getting supervision whilst practicing in the therapy field. This is a good way to take care of oneself by getting the necessary support, so that one can be the best therapist possible

Getting the Right Supervision

One of the best ways a therapist can take care of him/herself is to get good supervision. Even after years as an EFT therapist, sometimes another person can help with a difficult case and see our client’s ‘forest’ when we might be ‘caught up in the trees’. We turned to two EFT therapists who are also EFT Supervisors, and asked them for their thoughts and feelings with regard to EFT supervision. Susan Simonds is in private practice in Moscow, Idaho, and is also on the faculty of Washington State University Counselling Services where she supervises an EFT rotation for pre-doctoral interns. Kathryn de Bruin is a Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego where she is in private practice. Kathryn is an affiliate of the San Diego Center for EFT and she provides EFT supervision in person and via Skype.

Here are their thoughts on the following questions:

1. What did you need most from your EFT supervision?

Susan: That’s a tough question, because especially initially, I needed so much! I wanted to know everything right away because I wanted to be a great therapist for my clients.

Primarily, however, I needed two things: a lot of reassurance that I was a “good enough” therapist, so that my anxiety was soothed and I could be patient with the process of learning EFT; and the technical knowledge — how to track the cycle,

reframe, validate, reflect, access primary emotion, do enactments, and especially how to stop escalations. As time went on, my needs became less pressing and more specific, so that I would want supervision for a specific couple with whom I felt stuck, or for a particular place in the therapy session where I felt like a deer in the headlights.

Kathryn: Picture a newly licensed MFT feeling very green, needy, and anxious. I had been on the hunt for a theoretical base that could provide a model for the way I would work and I had recently ‘found’ EFT. I was full of hope, yet it was equally hard to believe that EFT could give me the answers I sought. So my biggest need was how to conceptualize my cases. And my question each and every time was “So what do I make of this?” and “Where do I go from here?”

Now as for the green and needy and anxious bit, well I was licensed after all - surely I should KNOW what I was doing by now. In reality, though, I didn’t. While it was risky and humbling to seek help, I knew I had to do it. So I needed a safe landing place and someone to take me under their wing.

2. What happened with your supervisor that made it easiest for you to get those needs met?

Susan: My supervisor put me at ease and gave me a sense of acceptance. She validated me when I was doing something that was working in the session or she praised something about my work in general, which really helped me feel less vulnerable in sharing my work. Her gentle voice was like an antidote to my anxiety.

Kathryn: I remember feeling blown away each and every time I met with my supervisor, because no matter what the case I presented, she was able to make sense of it and give me a map to work from. I remember feeling so relieved as she helped me to formulate each case from an EFT perspective. This gave me hope to keep on going. Over time I came to believe that no matter the case, no matter the content, it could all be explained through the attachment lens.

My supervisor seemed unconcerned by my peppering her with question after question.

Knowing that she was available was empowering and since she seemed unfazed by my insecurity, I began to feel more and more at ease with her. As this happened, I began to feel increasingly comfortable telling her about my needs and dreams.

3. What got in the way?

Susan: My own high standards and inner critic were probably my biggest obstacles. I would become impatient with my progress and also feel shame if I was struggling. I really beat myself up a lot when I felt that I was not getting something about EFT or was not helping a couple progress fast enough in their therapy.

Kathryn: I think I could have progressed more quickly with the model if I had put more time into taping my sessions and practicing the skills. Not being familiar enough with Bowlby’s work slowed me down. It would have been helpful to have read more of his work as it took me quite a while to conceptualize cases in an attachment framework.

4. What were the most helpful aspects of your supervision?

Susan: My supervisor had a marvellous combination of being nurturing and direct: she was gentle with me but at the same time, she did not hold back from giving it to me straight. The unexpected gift of the supervision was that the validation and support I received from my supervisor penetrated deeply into my psyche and I believe that my inner critic has softened as a result.

Kathryn: Well let’s be real here - it was all helpful and I needed it all! But the aspects that stand out to me are the experiential bits - the role plays, presenting videos and live work.

I remember having an extremely difficult family case involving family incest and CPS. I was in over my head and extremely anxious. When I called my supervisor for help, not only did she come to the rescue, but she offered to do co-therapy with me on the case. I learned so much by watching her at work with this very difficult family and I really appreciated having a co-pilot.

The only thing that ever got in the way was just running out of time during sessions and having to wait until we got to meet again.

5. Did you ever feel stuck, and if so, how did you and your supervisor handle it?

Susan: There were plenty of times I felt stuck. I think that goes with the territory of learning EFT. Sometimes I would email my supervisor or set up a quick phone consult. Her calmness and her suggestions often helped. Sometimes she validated that a couple was, indeed, hard. Also, she would encourage me to have faith in the model.

Kathryn: I don’t remember feeling stuck. When I got stuck with cases, we always seemed to come up with some plan during supervision.

6. Did your supervision feel safe? If so, what in particular made it safe?

Susan: I absolutely felt safe. My supervisor had a gentle and reassuring manner. She gave me examples of her own struggles with couples. At the start of a supervision feedback session on a recording, she often reminded me that it is so much easier to see what is happening and what to do when you are not in the room with the clients.

Kathryn: Safety for me came mostly from getting to know my supervisor as a person. I shared my goals with her and she really has gone out of her way to train me and to give me opportunities to grow. She has included me in the work she does; she’s invited me along to various trainings she’s been involved in and she has really just tried to meet my needs when it comes to my career path. I’ve told her that she has had the most influential role on my life as a therapist. It’s wonderful to have someone to model myself after.

7. What would you recommend to new therapists learning EFT, in terms of supervision?

Susan:

• Don’t be shy about sending your work to a supervisor. If you are nervous about sharing your work, it can

be helpful to remember that EFT supervisors are committed to the principles that guide the EFT model, which means that they will work to help you feel safe. Also, you may want to try alternate supervisors to find someone whose style works for you.

• Get a lot of individual supervision.

You will frequently receive more specific feedback from the moment-by-moment process of individual supervision than from the more general feedback provided in most group supervision situations, such as Core Skills. I did a lot of individual supervision with my supervisor and I reviewed her feedback so often (both from my notes and replaying the recordings) that I literally came to hear her voice in my head when I am with clients. In psychotherapy, we know that when clients hear their therapists’ voices in their heads, they have internalized new learning and made gains. The same is true for learning a new form of therapy through supervision.

• Make the most of your supervision

I usually review my notes and any recordings from supervision several times and try to integrate the learning. I even keep alphabetical files and excerpt feedback by topic that I may want to refer to in the future to help generalize my learning. Periodically, I still reread my supervision notes from years ago.

Kathryn: Find the right supervisor for you! I think it’s important to work with someone that you can feel secure with. Sometimes it helps to discuss counter transference and you will want to be able to do this with someone you experience as safe. Find someone who wants to see you grow and will challenge you in your supervision process.

I encourage you to make the most of your EFT supervision. Practice outside of supervision, keep reading about the model, and video tape as much as you can. Prepare well for cases, decide where you think you are before you start each session and review your next step in the model so you know where you’re headed. Skill in this model requires steady hard work and the more you put into it, the more you will get out of your super- vision. Don’t ever stop reaching out and asking for support and help. 

8. What would you recommend to newly certified EFT therapists?

Susan: It is important to mark the accomplishment of becoming certified by celebrating and giving yourself a chance to just relax for awhile. If you have not already done so, it is great to have an EFT buddy or consult group so that you have other therapists who speak your language and can support you. And at any time in our career, it is enormously important to be able to ask for supervision or consultation without shame or self-criticism. Sometimes the work is truly challenging and we do not have to be alone with our struggles. As the movie, About a Boy, reminds us: we all need “back-up.”

Kathryn: I remember being newly certified as an EFT therapist and suddenly feeling anxious about this title. Did this somehow mean that I now was supposed to know EFT and be good at doing it with each and every case? This soon wore off and I continued consultation with my Supervisor. There is still lots to learn and there are many EFT Supervisors and trainers – I recommend you reach out to them!

So hats off to all of you pursuing this model and seeking out EFT supervision. It is really worth your while to be trained well. Remember that EFT takes time to master and we are all still learning along the way!