May 2009
How to get a loved one to therapy?
I bet you know someone you’d like to get into therapy! Many people have a loved on they’d like to have a better relationship with and so they propose therapy as a way to achieve this. We can’t make other people change, and sometimes the more we ask them to - the less inclined they are to listen. So what do we do! After all, we want our lives to be different and they’re a big part of it.
I believe that success has to do with the way we approach our loved one. When a spouse is asked to come to a session or to start marital therapy, what they may hear is:
“our relationship is in danger”
“my partner is not satisfied”
“I am going to be ganged up against”
“I am not good enough” and “I am not making my partner happy”
Any wonder they don’t want to come? BUT this could not be further from the truth! The fact that you want your partner in therapy means that:
‘You care about the relationship’
‘You respect your partner and want to include them in your process’
‘You have a hope for greater intimacy’
Inviting to spouse to therapy could be a gift to your relationship. Consider answering this question for yourself before you speak to your loved one:
If my relationship was all I wanted it to be, how would I be different/ how would my life be different?
Talk to your loved one about your own hopes, keeping the focus on the potential change within yourself and keep the conversation positive.
For example...
I am experiencing a longing inside for a deeper sense of connection, I think our relationship could benefit from what I have to give,
I have an ability to connect more deeply, I’d like to do that with you.
I’d like to grow in my relationships, would you come to my sessions with me so I can face my fears about trusting people?
You’ve mentioned that you’d like me to change in some areas, I’m ready to explore these in therapy, I need your help to do so.
Give me a call when you’re ready to begin :)
Kathryn