Kathryn de Bruin

Feelings Land
Kathryn DeBruin, MA, MFT
Marjorie Vego Krausz, Ed.D., MFT, and
Amy Price, MA, MFT Intern

The Therapist
September/October 2008

San Diego North County, California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (SDNC-CAMFT) along with Operation Homefront, joined forces to plan and implement a Military Family Appreciation and Wellness Day. The event, spearheaded by Carolyn Gerard, MA, MFT, took place in July of 2007, on the beach at Camp Pendleton. Our purpose was to provide relevant information and resources to help military families in their struggles associated with multiple deployments, caring for and living with war injuries, and post traumatic stress disorder.

Several booths were set up with professionals who answered questions and offered services ranging from insurance, support groups, adjunct therapies, stress relief, and mental health services. Our hope was to connect the military with the local community, not only to enlarge their world, but to bring their worlds closer together. Most of the participants were military spouses and their children. Not only did we want to reach the children, we wanted to communicate with the adults who are responsible for making important family decisions.

SDNC-CAMFT took responsibility for providing opportunities to address the emotional needs of the families. A booth was set up to answer questions regarding SDNCCAMFT. A group, headed by Dr. Marjorie Vego Krausz, was in charge of developing a way to communicate the importance of play therapy in working with military families. Thus, the creation of Feelings Land, an interactive setting that introduced counseling in a safe and therapeutic way.

Feelings Land came about as a result of a small group of play therapists who wanted to be creative in the way they marketed and dispensed information. How often have we sat at a business faire with brochures on a table, trying desperately to attract passersby to engage with us? Our approach provided a multi-dimensional look at therapy versus the one-dimensional experience of trying to connect with individuals from behind a desk. We hoped to give the families a taste of a live play session in a way that would allow them to feel the magic of the therapeutic relationship. If the military families won’t come to the playroom, we took the playroom, via the beach, to the families! And so Feelings Land was birthed.

In trying to simulate a therapeutic journey, we set up an experiential process with a beginning, middle, and end. A path was created in the shape of a maze, with crepe ribbons and glittery material connecting one station to another. We decorated several canopies to represent different feeling worlds. A placard with the feeling name hung over each canopy. There was only one entrance and one exit.

Welcome to Feelings Land
The first station was Welcome to Feelings Land. Our hope was to connect with each family member, provide a brief educational experience, and essentially cultivate a desire to continue the journey. Blowing up balloons and then popping them was our first activity.

This served as a metaphor to follow the process of identifying and expressing feelings, rather than holding them in to the point that we want to pop. We provided a table full of colorful, unblown balloons of different shapes. As children picked a balloon, play therapists identified several feelings that they pretended to blow into the balloon. As the balloons got bigger and bigger, we explained that holding in some feelings can lead to problems. We briefly described a variety of ways to express emotions. Each child was asked to find a way to pop his/her balloon. It was explained that sometimes we need some help in expressing ourselves. The children could either ask their parents or a therapist for help. Children popped their balloons by sitting on them, stamping or squeezing them. There was lots of laughter, squealing, and the occasional look of horror.

Glad Land
The purpose of this station was to mirror the task of goal-setting in the therapeutic journey. Imagining a different outcome is an important part of the process. Our activity involved making a wish by creating a magic wand. A table was filled with markers, glitter glue pens, and pre-made star shaped wands. The directive was to chose a magic wand and decorate it. As the children got to work with their creations and as their parents watched, the play therapist talked about the importance of visualizing something they would like to change in their lives. As the children dreamt aloud, parents got a glimpse inside their child’s world... hearing about their needs first hand.

Mad Land
Mad Land was not only popular with the families, it was loud! Our intention was to give our participants an outlet to express their disappointments, frustrations, and anger. The different toys set up around the station included a large colorful bop bag for boxing or riding, drums for thumping and clay for pounding. A basket was filled with aggressive-looking hand puppets. We noticed our participants, big and small, getting their entire bodies involved in the work and play.

Worry Land
Worry Land was a favorite with the play therapists. Our goal was to get to the heart of the matter by providing a safe place in which to reveal deep seated concerns. We set up a wishing well activity. Instead of tossing a penny with a wish, we tossed our worries away and watched them sink into a blue plastic children’s pool filled with water. To one side, stood a massive tub of smooth beach rocks. Metallic markers were used to write “worries” on the rocks. As we talked about the value of expressing our fears, we ceremoniously tossed the rocks into the water. Worries varied from “my daddy is leaving for war” to struggles with friends, and of course, the inevitable parent conflict

Sad Land
Sad Land offered the opportunity to express primary emotions, and to learn ways to cope with sadness. This canopy took the form of a large communal sand tray. There was ample room for children to sit and work individually or together. The material included various sand tray items, ranging from twigs, pebbles, animals, miniature people, super heroes, to military toys. An outsider looking at Sad Station would see children huddled down around a central point, with parents bent over the top, creating an aura of quietude and peacefulness, as well as some major battles!

Hope Land
This station was destined to be a place where families could practice newly acquired skills, as well as a transition back to the real world. For this reason, this area was spacious, few directives were given, and there were a variety of opportunities for free play. We provided cushions on the sand, tables filled with musical instruments, wind catchers and pinwheels. And of course, we had a bubbleblowing corner. Play therapists thanked the families for completing the journey, and helped them reflect and celebrate their experience. Two enormous jumping castles were a natural transition from our therapeutic wonderland.

Assessment and Application of Eventful Day to Therapists
We assessed the effectiveness of Feelings Land through the following questions:

1. Was the location and setup of Feelings Land workable and accessible?
2. Did we connect with the military families at various emotional levels?
3. Did we communicate our message of the effectiveness of counseling and play therapy?

Location and Setup
While we wanted to set up Feelings Land away from the booths to help it stand out from the other activities, we tried to get it close to the main activities. Based on the location of outside beach canopies, it appeared an easier and more convenient way to decorate and separate the different feeling stations. Often, members of military families feel isolated and don’t know where to go or what to do. We were hoping that we weren’t too isolated. As it turned out, even though there were signs that pointed to Feelings Land, it probably would have been better to have figured out a way to bring it closer to the other activities. A few families came over at the beginning of the event, but it took at least 45 minutes for most of the families to venture out to Feelings Land.

Once the families discovered us, we were overwhelmed with too many families at one time. We had one therapist per station, with one person floating where needed. It didn’t take long to realize that we needed more therapists to help, especially at the first station. As families were waiting to get started on their journey, we addressed this issue by describing that all of us need more assistance in our lives at times. Most families were definitely able to relate.

Connecting with Military Families at Various Emotional Levels
While it wasn’t difficult to choose the various feelings we wanted the military families to experience, we were concerned about how to reach families who are at different places in their emotional awareness and feelings. The activities chosen were not only fun, but they provided opportunities for families to reach deeper into their emotions…if they felt comfortable. Some stations were available for families to experience joy and love, others, such as the anger and worry booth, gave families an occasion to share more uncomfortable feelings. As it turned out, the combination of the feelings that were introduced worked beautifully.

Training, research, and groundwork is important in therapy. We wanted to ensure that our clients were ready for the journey, and had what it would take to succeed and complete the process. Knowing that the children would most likely welcome the adventure, we chose not to allow them to journey it alone for liability and risk factors. And so, we decided to stipulate parental involvement and make it more of a family affair. Not unlike the therapy process, we sought parental consent. As parents participate with the children, change is more likely and longer lasting. It was also important to teach the parents about the advantages to emotional expression and the benefits of communicating with children through play. Many parents came thinking Feelings Land was a fun house for kids. As they entered the welcome station, we asked that they participate with their children. Some seemed uncomfortable, but ultimately went forward. As soon as they blew up and popped their first balloon, the anxiety of what they might have felt blew away. As they moved to the happy station, we could see how involved they had become in the process. The first station - their introduction to feeling safe about expressing their feelings - was critical. Whatever emotional level they were starting at seemed to find common ground.

Communicating Our Effectiveness
Being incredibly busy, we were able to interact with many families as though no one was around. Their comments, directly to us or ad lib, spoke volumes of the thoughts and feelings being experienced. It was the worry booth, however, that truly brought out the deepest feelings. It was as though they finally had an opportunity to express their anxious feelings through this simple act. In reading the worries after the event was over, most of us felt that we had truly accomplished what we set out to do… provide an opportunity for families under stress to express themselves in a safe and trusting environment.

We were able to talk to many parents about the power of creative arts therapy as they participated and observed their children in Feelings Land. It was hard for many to understand how this experience could transfer to a small office. With appropriate creative arts tools and supplies, and an experienced therapist, we explained that most environments would work. We also gave suggestions as to how parents could enhance their home environment to help their children express their feelings.

As the day came to a close and we were cleaning up, some of the children came back to our worry station. They openly and comfortably started to talk about their dads or moms who were in Iraq and other parts of the world, and how much they worried and missed them. Some mothers came back and talked about their concerns about their children and finances. All of us that participated in Feelings Land knew that if given another opportunity, we would do it again in a heartbeat.

Kathryn de Bruin is a Marriage and Family Therapist in a full-time private practice. Her offices are in Carlsbad and Mission Valley where she provides therapy for couples, families and children. Kathryn is a AAMFT supervisor in training. Her contact details are as follows: www.kathryndebruin.com or (619) 298. 8722, ext. 124.

Marjorie Vego Krausz is a Marriage and Family Therapist (CA) and Psychologist (TX). She has been in private practice in Carlsbad for more than 25 years working with individuals, children, and families in a variety of settings. She has been a guest on several radio and TV programs, and given workshops, lectures, and seminars. Marjorie is the co-author of a nonfiction book, Stepwives (Simon & Schuster, 2002), the CoMamas Workbook, and the CoMamas Leader’s Guide. She has recently coauthored a children’s book, The DECODERs First Adventure: A Flight of Greed and Glory (Star Publishing, coming out the end of December, 2008). Through an adventure story, children will have fun learning to problem solve more effectively.

Amy Price, MA is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist Intern, who has worked in private practice, agency and school settings in Carlsbad. Amy specializes in play and expressive therapies with children, adolescents and teens. She is currently studying for her licensing exam while working as a full-time mother of two.