April 2008
Finding Connection in Crisis:
Have you ever found yourself in a crisis?
Being in crisis is like drowning out at sea. It’s difficult to keep your head above the water and all you can do is give the occasional scream or wave of a hand. You are desperate for someone to come to the rescue, to throw you a rope, or to physically lift you out of the water. You are looking for someone to do something to show that they care!
People in crisis need someone who knows what to do, someone who will reach in and be proactive. Sometimes it takes going through a crisis yourself to know what is helpful and what is not in these moments of need.
If you aren’t sure how to respond to others in crisis, you can still be directive about reaching out. Doing nothing could be worse than not trying at all. Here are some suggestions of what you might say:
- How can I be helpful to you?
- I am here to listen when you are ready to talk.
- I’m not sure how to help but I want to be here for you!
Crises are often opportunities to find connection. Sometimes it takes a crisis to alert us to our needs. At times like this we are most ready to seek help or to learn something new.
This week as part of a crisis response team I got to respond to a local school in crisis. After the death of a scholar’s parent I had the opportunity to speak to the child’s peers and their parents about ways to cope with their own grief, and ways to be caring to their classmate.
We are all faced with these opportunities in our daily lives:
- If your child is in the midst of a meltdown, giving them a choice or consequence is unlikely to help. Getting them to a place of calm or safety is most important. Then when the crisis is over comes the teaching moment.
- When your friend or spouse calls to vent in a moment of frustration this is an opportunity to listen and be empathic. Trying to fix the situation may just add to their frustration.
As always, a pleasure to be serving you,
Kathryn