August 14, 2017
A.R.E Couples Therapy Questionnaire
The Hold Me Tight Program: Conversations for Connection.
all need emotional connection. Couples also need a bond of trust with each other,that sense that they can give one another the benefit of the doubt. It means that you
know that your partner will be there for you if you need them. It’s knowing that your person will give you support, and that you will feel comforted by them. The
security that you get from knowing that you have someone in your corner impacts
your physical health, and your mental health.
you deeply. Some people panic, some people feel isolated and others get upset. It’s
this threat, this emotional disconnection that underlies the fights we have and
the distance we feel.
As you consider this connection and disconnection, please complete these exercises:
* Consider what attracted you to your partner.
* List five strengths in your relationship
* Complete the A.R.E Questionnaire below, and go over it with your partner
From your viewpoint, is your partner accessible to you? Answer the questions below using a scale 0-10, where 0 = not at all true, and 10 = completely true. Write number in the right column – add up total for each section.
ACCESSIBILITY – from your viewpoint, how accessible is your partner to you?
1. I can get my partner’s attention easily
2. My partner is easy to connect with emotionally
3. My partner shows me that I come first with him/her
4. I don’t feel shut out in this relationship (the less shut out you feel – the higher your score)
5. I can share my deepest feelings with my partner. He/she will listen
Total for accessibility
RESPONSIVENESS – from your viewpoint, is your partner responsive to you?
1. If I need connection and comfort, he/she will be there for me
2. My partner responds to signals that I need him/her to come close
3. I find I can lean on my partner when I am anxious or unsure
4. Even when we fight or disagree, I know I am important to my partner and we will find a way to come together
5. If I need assurance about how important I am to my partner, I can get it
Total for responsiveness
ENGAGEMENT – are you positively emotionally engaged with each other?
1. I feel very comfortable being close to, trusting my partner
2. I can confide in my partner about almost anything
3. I feel confident, even when we are apart, that we are connected to each other
4. I know that my partner cares about my joys, hurts, and fears
5. I feel safe enough to take emotional risks with my partner
Total for engagement
Adapted from Hold Me Tight, by Susan Johnson